He Wouldn't Have Cared
by ghostfireninja
Summary: Sasayan wouldn't have cared. But it was different. She was different. Sasanatsu. R/R :)


**Disclaimer: I do not own Tonari No Kaibutsu-kun.**

* * *

He was never fond of being too attached to people. But somehow, he always ends up getting caught with the girl's web.

He didn't have a choice. Her life was too closely knotted to his.

Sasayan wouldn't have cared. But it was different. She was different.

* * *

She jumped up and down, well at least in Sasayan's imagination. In truth, she was keeping her feet on the ground, trying hard on keeping it from shaking. Her face was flushed red. With just from the glint in her eyes, Sasayan can tell she was lost in his land again.

Sasayan was talking about the other guy. Usually, Natsume wouldn't have easily fallen for guys. His name was Manshita. He was their classmate. A tall boy, with strong features. His hear is a little bit darker than Sasayan's, but the eyes are not as green as his.

He just didn't know why. Why she actually fell for him. Was it because he talked to Natsume the way Micchan did? Sasayan was sure she liked the boy. He'd seen her look at Micchan like this before. The same glint on her face, it was all too easy. Sasayan wouldn't have cared.

If it weren't for her.

"So you like Manshita, huh?" Sasayan said, facing out the window. He waited for Natsume's answer before turning back to her.

"A-what?" Natsume shrieked. _Bingo,_ Sasayan thought.

"I've seen that face before, Natsume. Don't fool me." He said, he flashed a little grin. Natsume looked as if she wanted to pinch him, claw him, or anything.

"How can you read me by just the look at my face?" Natsume said, a mix of surprise and astonishment in her voice.

Sasayan chuckled. "You're easy, Natsume-san. And… I told you, I've seen that face before."

Natsume looked down. "What can I do, Sasayan-kun?"

Sasayan just shrugged his shoulders. He really didn't know anything about what to do when one starts liking someone. He feels it's a burden. _We have friends, why do we have to choose only one?_

"Tell him?" He said, though he knows full well the girl would recoil in embarrassment, like what she really did. He looked at her, and he thought how he always ends up talking to her like this.

"I can't… do that." Natsume said as she looked down on her desk. She was playing with her fingers, or maybe her nails. "You know that, Sasayan-kun."

"Are you afraid to be rejected again?" Sasayan said bluntly. He himself didn't know why he can talk so straightforward like this. It's a thing he finds others can't quite manage. Maybe he just wants things to get done, straight and fast. Maybe that's why he also told her to tell him about her liking to him, even though he knows it will never be done.

He noticed her eyes shine, not like the way she looked at the boy. It shone like crystal clear water, her eyes were starting to damp, and she looked at him disbelievingly. "How- how could you-"

"Sorry, Natsume-san." Sasayan said. "But I'm not really good with things like this." He didn't like how he made her cry, even if the tears never really fell down. At that moment he just wanted to go. But then what? Leave her like that? How bad a friend can he be?

Natsume didn't reply. "I… I never wanted for that to happen."

"The rejection?" Sasayan said in return. "Of course you don't. I didn't want that to happen too."

Natsume looked at him back, and for a moment he remembered how beautiful Natsume was, with her hair that curled as it made its way around her neck, and on to her back. How her eyes shone brown as the sunlight streamed through. He found himself speechless, but he didn't show how he blushed. "You do?" she said.

"Well. Maybe we're not talking about the same thing. Maybe I was not talking about the rejection but, maybe there's something about it, your liking to… him that I didn't want to happen. But… you can leave it at that."

"I don't understand you sometimes." She said, regaining back her usual self now.

"Believe me, I ask the same for you too." He replied.

"I'm not even complicated." She said.

Sasayan can only smile. He looked outside the window, as the sun began to set and the school was starting to bare. "I think we should leave now."

He stood up and looked down at the girl sitting across him. He held out his hand. She took it. He doesn't let go.

* * *

She was talking to Manshita, and Sasayan can't help but look at their direction. He was sipping on his canned soda, his eyes glued to the figures eagerly talking. He had that part in him. He didn't know why, but it bugs him. Sure, Natsume wasn't like other girls he met, but there's always something inside that tells him he should always watch over her. She might break, and Sasayan can stop that. Not that he was being too full of himself, but everyone of us may have felt the same way for once in our lives. Just a tiny jot of feeling of responsibility over others, even if we know we shouldn't be butting in.

He was interrupted by one of his pals in baseball, who alarmingly patted his hand on Sasayan's back. He felt kind of annoyed. He didn't need to ask him to know that they are going to the batting center, where Micchan was handling. He looked once more at the Natsume, who was laughing. And her eyes, that sparkle in her eyes.

He wondered if he'll ever see that when he talked to her.

* * *

He focused on the ball that's been spitting out of the machine. His eyes were narrowed, his hands ready, fingers gripped tightly to the bat. As soon as the last of the balls had been thrown out, he swayed his final, and watched as the ball flew back and hit the wall on the other side. He sighed.

He got out of the cages and sat on one of the couches. Boy, he was tired. He got another soda from his bag and walked over the window. He saw the city stretched out before him. It was never a very remarkable sight for him, the buildings that stretched looked a little too simple, just rectangular tufts of brick and cement. He looked down to see a familiar sight of brown.

Natsume, her hair as carefully laid out as ever. And Manshita, standing next to her. From his sight, they looked exactly like couples, but Sasayan was careful not to think that. He raised his hands in an attempt to wave, but he thought twice. It was stupid, really. How would she see him? Why would she even look up?

But she did, and he saw as the girl narrowed her eyes, and moved her head a little bit to see clearer. She was a bit far, but he saw as she smiled, and he smiled back, though he didn't know if she can see it.

He continued watching them, the boy said a few words and left. Just like that. Maybe he had something to do. Sasayan wondered how Natsume felt after that.

Relieved? Can't be.

Glad cause he talked to her? Maybe.

Disappointed cause he left? Possible.

If only he can see her face, he could've read her. But she didn't turn back. Instead, she walked away.

Sasayan walked away too, and before long he noticed he was standing a few feet away from her. His voice would be the only thing that will shorten the distance between two of them.

He didn't call.

Natsume left, not knowing Sasayan was just behind him.

* * *

"So how did it went out?" Sasayan said in between bites of his sandwich. He was eating with her in their school's rooftop. He loved the wind there.

"Mmm." Natsume sipped on her juice. "Fine."

"Fine?" Sasayan said. "That's it? Did you tell him you like him?"

"No." Natsume said.

"So what did you talk about?" Sasayan said, wondering why he was so curious about this.

"To be honest, I forgot mostly what he said. Maybe I wasn't listening. Maybe I was too carried away."

Sasayan studied her eyes, and he wasn't sure what he saw in there. He continued eating his lunch. She did too, and none of them talked again until they were done eating.

* * *

Parties were a bit too rare for the baseball team. They won their game, and they're participating for the next games. It was a great achievement, and so the team leader thought about a party. Not too much, just a little food here and there.

He was having a good time. It's been a long time since he had long conversations with his pals like this. He munched on burgers, and laughed as one of them told a joke. It wasn't very funny, but it lifts their spirits up.

When Sasayan saw her.

Natsume was looking at him, and he thought what in the world Natsume was doing in the baseball field at that time. He excused himself from his friends and walked over to her. He flashed a grin as he walked closer while she smiled a half smile.

"What brings you here?" Sasayan said, handing out juice and a biscuit to her. He led her to one of the benches and they sat.

"He invited me out." Natsume said. Sasayan almost spat his drink out. It took him a while to gain back his composure and reply to her statement.

"He did?" He said. "Wow. That was fast. But you still haven't told him, right?"

Natsume shook her head. He looked at her closely.

"So why aren't you happy?" Sasayan said, trying to smile.

"I am happy. Surprised, even. It's just." She paused as she looked at him, and those brown eyes stared back at him again. He wished Natsume would already continue what she was about to say, he can't afford looking away right now. "I'm nervous."

"Nervous?" Sasayan said back. "Why would you be? Just… be yourself. It will be just like normal times. Well, you're the only two out so that's where the difference line draws in but… otherwise it's just the same."

Natsume took a while to answer, and Sasayan wondered about that. He wondered why she looked at him curiously, and with great wariness. "Why do you know so much about this?"

Sasayan felt his face warm up. "I… I…" He sighed. "I've had a girlfriend once. Didn't you know that?"

It might be just his imagination, but the moment he said the word "girlfriend", Natsume can't seem to look at him directly.

"Oh." She just said. "How'd it turn out?"

"Didn't turn out well too." Sasayan said. "Guess that wasn't a field for me." He grinned, and he didn't like how Natsume looked at him as if she didn't believe him.

"When's the big date anyway?" Sasayan added.

"This friday night." Natsume said. "Tomorrow evening."

"Well." Sasayan said, putting on his cap. "Better get ready then." He stood up, and he felt a tug on his baseball uniform. Natsume's hands were tightly holding his clothing, and he had no other thing to do but ask her what's the problem.

"Do you think I should tell him?" Natsume's voice was not like her usual, it seemed scared, and nervous. Like what she really felt.

Sasayan grinned. "Do you think?"

It took a while before she can respond. But she nodded anyway. Sasayan smiled, and he felt some part of him die out the moment her head swayed in approval. He hid his face under his cap.

* * *

Sasayan realized his mistake a little too late. Why did he even go eat outside with his friends for the night? And now he was facing the challenge of not being caught. Natsume and Manshita was just at the table beside where Sasayan and his pals were sitting. He was thankful he wasn't wearing his usual attire. Natsume would've caught him immediately.

Every once in a while he would glance over them, then he would hide back to his table in time. He can hear their conversations, and he hated how he couldn't even talk too loud with his friends because Natsume can recognize his voice.

He didn't like how he can't concentrate on his meal 'cause he can hear Natsume's laughter from across. He didn't like how she looked so beautiful with her attire and her hair curled back. He didn't like how she looked at her date, and how he looked back.

Sasayan wouldn't have cared.

He wished.

He didn't know what to feel the moment they left their table. Was he relieved? Disappointed? Now he feels like Natsume.

When Natsume and Manshita stood up, he noticed Natsume was looking at him. He didn't know if she really did look at him, or maybe he was just thinking about it because he's paranoid. But either way, they left the restaurant after that. Sasayan sighed.

He was now free to talk all he wants. The only problem is, he doesn't feel like talking. He wanted to leave, to go home, to sleep, or whatever. Or does he want to chase after her?

He was silent for the rest of the night.

* * *

Sasayan was drawn out of his thought when she slammed her hands on his desk. Honestly, he was about to fall asleep, but the look on Natsume's face made him want to just stay awake.

"Happy about the date?" Sasayan said, trying to sound excited.

"Yes." She said.

"Have you told him?" Sasayan asked her, quite nervous.

She nodded.

Sasayan felt something snap. He can't explain how only Natsume could wreck something inside of him with just nods and shakes of her head. He let out an "Oh." After a while, he smiled back as if nothing happened, and asked her how he replied.

"He… he said he's been feeling the same way too." Natsume happily announced. She was still nervous, Sasayan can tell. He can almost hear how loud her heart beat, while he felt his heart stop.

Sasayan managed a smile as he looked up at her. And seeing her happy, he didn't know how it made him. He stood up.

Natsume was startled. "Where are you going?" She said. Sasayan was walking away now, and his back was facing Natsume, so the girl can't see his face one bit.

"I ah… I'm thirsty. Need to get some water." He lied.

"Oh. Okay." Natsume said. "Sasayan-kun. Thanks. I- I think I might change my way of seeing strangers from now on, especially boys. I… I never thought I'd feel like this for another boy before, but… I don't know why. Maybe I was just looking at the world in the wrong way?"

Sasayan was quiet the whole time, his back was still turned to the girl. But he stayed.

"Thanks." She said again. "If it weren't for you… I. I wouldn't be with him now."

Those words stinged. It was enough to push his legs into running. At that moment, all he wanted was to get out.

Sasayan wouldn't have cared. Natsume was just another friend. Who cares if she likes anyone? Why would Sasayan care?

Yeah? Why would he?

He stopped as he was just outside the building. He sat on the ground for a while, thinking about how deeper he got into her web. He wouldn't have cared for all he knows, that's why he told her to tell him about it.

Or was it that he really cared? What if he's been like her? Looking at the world in the wrong way. Looking at her in the wrong way.

He pounded the wall. That was when he heard her voice.

"Sasayan-kuuun." She called out from behind. "I'm going home now, wanna walk together?"

"You go ahead. I…. still have to finish something." She was facing his back.

For a moment, Sasayan thought she already left, but she just took too long to answer back. "Oh. Okay." She said. "Byee." The last thing he heard was her footsteps as she ran away farther from him.

* * *

Sasayan listened to everything she had to say the following days. It was killing him. He wondered how many knots he had to untie before he can finally be free from her. Even if he knows she already likes someone. Even if…

He listened how she admired the way he looked. Natsume didn't need to rub it in that he was short, and Manshita was tall. He knows Natsume didn't mean it that way, but for the moment, it was all he can think about.

It was all good relationship reports from Natsume. But after a while there seemed to be something different on the way she talked about him. Sasayan noticed it, but he didn't ask her about it. Later on, she found herself not eager to talk about her times with him. Sasayan didn't know if he should be glad about it, be sad about it, or if he should ask Natsume what was going on with them.

He asked her one time about how it was doing, and she just shrugged and said it was fine. Sasayan wasn't really convinced, but he didn't push her into telling some more.

It was going downhill, Sasayan thought. Until Natsume found out.

The sky was an ugly gray, the rain was pouring. Sasayan was walking alone with his umbrella on his hands. He wondered how Natsume was doing, how she may be happily walking with him now, sharing with his shelter. He listened as the rain's pitter-patter hit the roof of his shade. It was a constant drip drop when he heard his name.

He almost jumped in surprise. Standing on the side of the road was Natsume. She was not in the least the way Sasayan pictured her. She was soaked wet, of course, and she looked defeated. Sasayan held her hand, took her to the nearest shade, which was a little temple a few feet from where they were.

He looked at her, and the feeling of being knotted with her seemed the tie some more. After their date, Natsume and Manshita's, Natsume drifted farther from him. He never really had much time to be with her anymore, he feels it isn't quite right. Or maybe he was just running away from her. And now, just when he thought it was the least possible place to meet her, which was to be soaked under the harsh gray sky, he met her. Not at school, not at the batting center or anywhere they always saw each other, it was in the middle of the road. It might have been his knot to her that kept him coming back to her, or her coming back to him, even if neither of them really felt the urge to.

She looked as though she was crying, but it was hard to tell with her face wet. Sasayan waited for a while before asking her.

"What's… the problem, Natsume-san?" He looked at her. She looked back

"Manshita." She said.

"What about him?" Sasayan said, intrigued.

"He. He was using me." Natsume said, she was sobbing now.

"Using you?" Sasayan said, confused. "I don't understand."

"He was using me to get over his girlfriend he recently broke up with." Natsume said.

"To… get over his past girlfiriend?" Sasayan repeated. He felt angry, he wanted to find Manshita, punch him for using Natsume like a toy. "How… How did you know about this, exactly?"

"He… he told me." Natsume said. "He was a nice guy, Sasayan-kun. Don't feel angry towards him. He really is a nice guy, he was honest with me. I felt like there was something missing whenever he's with me." She paused to hold back a sob. "I tried to push it aside, but there comes a time when it wasn't right. I… I asked him if he really liked me the way I did to him. I didn't even know he had a girlfriend, and I… He told me he was sorry… that he used me as a distraction, for his thoughts over the girl… since he couldn't get over her."

Sasayan didn't know what it really felt like to be in Natsume's position, but he knows quite well that it was hurtful. "Natsume-san." Sasayan said. "I'm sorry."

"No. Don't be sorry." She said.

"I… Let's walk home now." Sasayan said. "I'll… stay with you." A few hints of sunlight beamed through the dark-hued clouds. The rain was starting to stop, but Natsume was cold.

She sneezed. She had a cold. She fainted.

* * *

Sasayan carried her all the way to her house. Natsume's mom had thanked him about a hundred times for taking care of her, and taking her to their house. She let him stay inside and eat some, but she stayed with her in her room.

Natsume had no idea she just had a piggyback ride with Sasayan. The boy looked at her as she lied on her bed, her face red, and her breaths deep. "Natsume-san." He muttered.

Natsume opened her eyes. "Wher- My room?" She said. She looked around to confirm if she was really lying on her bed, in her room, in their house. Then she saw Sasayan, who was sitting beside her bed, looking at him hopefully. His lips began to curve in a smile.

Her face went redder the moment she realized Sasayan carried her all the way to her house. "Did you… did you?" She knows it already, but she just felt the need to ask.

Sasayan nodded. She hid her face in the covers. "Sorry about that." She said, embarrassed.

Sasayan laughed. "It's okay. You weren't that heavy anyway."

There was silence. So Sasayan spoke. "I'm sorry for Manshi-"

"Don't." Natsume stopped her. "Don't. It was wrong, Sasayan-kun. I was stupid." She stopped to look at him. "I was hasty. Maybe I was just confused. Maybe, I don't know. I felt very happy when he said he liked me back, Sasayan-kun but… Could I tell you something?"

Sasayan pursed his lips and nodded his head.

"Promise you won't laugh?" She said.

"Promise." Sasayan confirmed. She narrowed her eyes at him, so he raised his arms, palms out for her to see he was serious. She smiled.

"It's just… He didn't look at me like he really liked me." She said.

"And? How is that supposed to be something I should be laughing about?" Sasayan said.

She didn't reply. So Sasayan continued talking. "How do you even know how someone looks at you when they like you, anyway?"

"I don't know. I think their eyes shine brighter or anything. Or maybe they look at you the way they don't usually do at others, and you notice that they only look at you like that alone. I can see it more when he looked at her, his past."

Sasayan can only nod.

"Do you like me, Sasayan-kun?" Natsume said out of the blue, well at least for Sasayan.

He felt blood rush up to his face. "Wha-why would you even think that?" He said, his voice raising.

Natsume laughed. "Don't be scared. I was just asking you." She looked at him, and she giggled how his face wasn't returning to its normal color. "It's just that… I see that sparkle in the eye more when… when you look at me."

She looked at him, straight in the eye, and he didn't have any other choice but to look back.

"How can you tell?" Sasayan said.

"Just can. I just notice it whenever I have some problems, when we're alone, when you talk to me seriously… It's kind of noticeable after all that."

Sasayan didn't reply. He even turned away from her.

"Sasayan-kun?" Natsume said. "This may seem funny, and nonsense, but… do you ever wonder why we can never really leave each other? It's weird, it seems as though I'm tied to you, at some point, or something. Is it weird?" She asked him directly.

"No. No it's not." Sasayan agreed, knowing he feels exactly the same.

"I must be blind." Natsume said.

"What?" Sasayan said.

"Nothing." Natsume replied. Sasayan wondered what she meant about those words.

No one talked for a while, till Natsume giggled. "I should've gone with you on that date. I've never seen you hide like a kid behind your friends like that, like a baby."

Sasayan turned his face to her. "You… you knew?"

Natsume didn't answer. Instead, she talked some moe. "And I… I certainly haven't see you look at me… and blush like that before." Natsume looked at him. "Am I right, Sasayan-kun?"

Sasayan can't help but look away. He can only hear Natsume giggle as he felt his face grow hotter and redder.

He wouldn't have cared. If only not for her, and how she does something Sasayan can never leave be. He wouldn't have cared, if only she was just another girl.

He wouldn't have cared, if only he didn't feel something special for her.


End file.
